i think God tried to kill me the other night

and on that "other" night...i was kind of hoping that he would have.

i have been crying my eyes out for the past few weeks. i still can't get over john. is it because i really did love him? or is it something else? i just can't let go of these feelings and any time I talk about it to my friends...i know they're like, "damn d...shut up already, just forget him." i know they're trying their best to support me...but i just can't stop how i feel. i'm trying tho, i really am.

friday night was happy hour night at sting. drinks from 5-7, wii night and then i was supposed to meet up with this new guy. see i've been trying to date everyone and their momma to get over john...but that's not working too well...b/c after the date is over...i just sit in my car and cry thinking that i miss him. it's horrible.

anyways...i head over to wii night...it's not much fun. sorry. and it hasn't been usually when people get on their computers and crap, while said ppl are supposed to be paying attention to "wii night" instead of "online single's night". sorry...i'm picky. so i decided to jet quicker than i needed to, to meet said guy.

on my way home...driving down 380...this guy texts me and says that he should tell me something before we meet...i'm thinking...great...he has a girlfriend. instead he writes me..."so of all the time i've known you, i've been lying to you. when we first started talking, you told me your were almost 6ft...so i said i was 6'1"...i thought you were lying. i'm really 5'7"...do you still want me to come over?"

really?

needless to say...i texted him back some choice words and went on with my drive. and somewhere in the middle of that drive, i said "put me out of my misery, please."

so next thing you know...i'm sitting at a red light, and all of a sudden "a" light turns green. so i go. into on-coming traffic. needless to say that I was nearly 2 feet from a car turning. God tried to kill me...and while I don't have any thoughts of killing myself...i'd never do it....i promise....it would have been nice of him to get the whole thing done with "that night"....so then i could stop hurting...and then my friends wouldn't have to be mad that I was STILL talking about John.

i hate falling in love. i never want to do it again.



Disclaimer: Seriously people...don't even think to call 9-1-1 or something. I am not suicidal. Eventually I will forget John and stop letting him cloud my thoughts...b/c I do have lots to live for. I just haven't sought it out in a while.

fuck big black and white pandas

Dude...did you know it's possible to lose 3.5 pounds in just three hours?

"How do you do it?"

Well everyone...just play Wii Fit and play the soccer game over and over...and let big black and white pandas AND tennis shoes bounce off your head. You will laugh and increase your stomach muscles...therefore allowing you to decrease your weight in a timely fashion.


So I went out yesterday (needed to get away and my mind OFF certain things) and flyered (is that right?) some cars to help Bev for Sting and the Quarter. Then we came back to her house and played Wii fit. Omigod...I want one so bad...and after I pay everything back/off...I am so getting one.

The soccer game was hilarious and couldn't help but laugh everytime a big panda head and tennis shoe bounced off my head/Crystal's head AND Bev's head. Not to mention...everytime you get hit...you can hear the "wham". I think I looked ridiculous doing the hula hoop and from what I saw with Crystal and Bev...I now know I did look ridiculous. I cheated the second time around I did push-ups and it caught me. The tight rope balance game sucks ass and the bubble river balance game is the shiznit!

Not to mention that after I has already worked out an hour and 19 minutes in between two days (sort of)...I lost 3.5 pounds.

AND...ding ding ding. I WEIGH LESS THAN 200lbs.

Oh yeah....I'm good. I'm good.

*I am up from my desk, doing the marcarena and should be back to programming momentarily*

at least i learned that i could love...

So...long story short...he cheated. (Amber's *tear*) Story of my effin' life.

Don't ask me how I found this out...unless you really just want to be shocked-the-fuck out. But he has been cheating....so moral of THIS story is...I can't wait to give him back all of his shit. AND after I rip one into him...if he doesn't take his shit...here are some things that will be for sale on Craigslist.

Size 34/36 Khaki/tan/brown dress pants w/brown belt
Size XL lavendar-colored dress shirt
Size 10 brown leather dress shoes
Size L gym shorts
Size XL pink RL bleached top
Size XL cream RL top
2 pairs of dress socks (green/tan color and black)
Size 34/36 RL jeans
Size XL white FotL wife beaters (5)
2 packs of malboro lights (that I demanded i take away from him)

If he does take his shit...I guess I have to give him his movie back....altho...he does have one of mine...so eh...i'm keeping it.

And another thing...even though I joined HIS gym...boy...I'm so going back...and I'm going to go back EVERYDAY and get hotter than the fucking sun!...and I'll possibly see his ass...and that's okay, b/c I know this: He doesn't deserve me...and everytime he sees me at HIS gym...he'll know, he'll never be able to have me again. He has lost THE best damn thing that has ever come into his life. I just hope his son doesn't turn out to be like him.

Anyways...I've already gotten back on Plentyoffish.com and I'm trying it again. All my life...I've never been in love and never thought that I could. But I can...and although I unfortunately got shitted on this time...I know what love is like...and at least I know that I can.

And honestly...I WILL, love again.

there are no words to describe what i'm feeling right now

is it the way his eyelashes feel fluttering on my forehead, after my head has been laying on his shoulder for the last 45 minutes?...

is it the way i catch him looking at me when we're in the car, sitting next to each other at the movies, eating at dinner, in the dark?...

is it the way he holds my face, looking straight into my eyes and kisses me?...

is it the way he makes me feel when he says he's going to call and goes above and beyond and calls me more than he needs to?...

is it the way i feel when i see him each time?...

is it the way he constantly reminds me that he loves hanging out with me?...

is it the way he kisses me when i make kissy sounds?...

is it the way he makes my heart flutter everytime i think about him?...

is it the way he calls me every morning, midafternoon, every evening (after we've already seen each other), and every time before he goes to bed?...

is it the way he subtley leaves his clothes, his dvds, his keys, his socks laying around my house?...

I don't know what it is...but my heart is feeling something...and I am loving it like a McDonalds commercial. : D

update

i've met the most amazing person and as i sit here typing with his tie around my neck...i think i'm going to take a breather from blogger/myspace/facebook/AND plentyoffish for awhile and just enjoy my time...um the time of my life.

if anyone needs to get in contact with me...you know how to reach me.

xoxo

36-year-old men are NOT for me

So went on a couple of dates.

Tye
The 36-year-old and I are no longer. I knew we'd have a problem when he and I were messaging over IM on yahoo. He stated something that made me realize he'd have a problem with my age and him being older...um nine years older. Which...is fine...because besides the fact that he is nine years my senior, he just isn't the dude for me.

First of all...if you're meeting someone at Yucatan Bar and Grill...(which is basically a bar outside and has a pool and a dozen volleyball courts, etc) for darts and billiards...wear jeans. Don't come on our date when it is f-ing 104 degrees outside and wear dress pants, a tan silk shirt and dress shoes. Who are you trying to impress? Your boss ain't here.

Second, stop trying to put me down and act like just because I'm 27 years old, I haven't experienced anything or I don't know anything about life. Please do not go there.

Third, he was a mother-fawkin' arrogant ass and I can't stand dudes like that. Kept talking about his money and how much he spent on his Chrysler Crossfire and his $600,000 home in Coppell. Dude...I don't care. When I offered to pay for my half, he was like "put away your money, i don't want you to go bankrupt". Oh know you didn't. *In my mind...I was snappin' fingers all across his face*


J
DID...go out with a VERY handsome 27-year-old who is 6'7" - which I am TOTALLY digging. I like the whole 6'7" deal. He gave great hugs and we're meeting up tomorrow. I can't wait.

www.plentyoffish.com

I will keep you guys posted.

stella got her groove back

so i went out to carson's on wednesday for $1 drink night and i actually had a decent time...except for the idiot dude that kept following me around.

I am a networker by heart and being laid off now, comes with consequences. I think I asked everyone in that bar what they do and if they're hiring, not to mention i gave out business cards. One dude told me it wasn't polite to ask what he did b/c I sounded like a gold-digger. I then continued on with my "don't worry...I'm not asking what you do b/c I want to know how much money you make or how much car I think you can afford, because 1) i have a better car and will always think that even if I were to drive a hooptie and 2) i will one day make more money than you, so you can cut the crap". I turned away and as soon as I started to take a step...he grabbed me and was like "I was just joking babe, you can ask me what I do any day". Um can we say DENIED?

Ol' idiot dude (the follower) said he was going to hook me up...but I have decided not to go that route, because ol' dude is also being denied! Talking to me out in the parking lot is one thing and is okay, but bending down to kitty level and shouting "i want to taste you" is not.

So everytime I go to Carsons I get a number/date/meet a few new guys to add to the list. Unfortunately ol' idiot guy keep trying to follow me around so it was kind of hard to get around to the guys who would touch my shoulder and try to talk or the guys who would buy me a drink. Ol' dude even asked an ex why he was talking to his woman. WTF?

Hopefully, when my friend Bev and I go back again next week, ol' dude WILL NOT be there and I can concentrate on getting dates. : )


Update: So a friend told me to get on plentyoffish.com and start looking around...as she had gone on a few dates with guys from there. Turns out that the site is free and it IS a decent place to look around. And fortunately for my addicting personality and great looks, I have three dates lined up.

One is a 36-year-old, one is a 27-year-old and one is a 24-year-old. I will keep you posted.

Loving life!