i think God tried to kill me the other night

and on that "other" night...i was kind of hoping that he would have.

i have been crying my eyes out for the past few weeks. i still can't get over john. is it because i really did love him? or is it something else? i just can't let go of these feelings and any time I talk about it to my friends...i know they're like, "damn d...shut up already, just forget him." i know they're trying their best to support me...but i just can't stop how i feel. i'm trying tho, i really am.

friday night was happy hour night at sting. drinks from 5-7, wii night and then i was supposed to meet up with this new guy. see i've been trying to date everyone and their momma to get over john...but that's not working too well...b/c after the date is over...i just sit in my car and cry thinking that i miss him. it's horrible.

anyways...i head over to wii night...it's not much fun. sorry. and it hasn't been usually when people get on their computers and crap, while said ppl are supposed to be paying attention to "wii night" instead of "online single's night". sorry...i'm picky. so i decided to jet quicker than i needed to, to meet said guy.

on my way home...driving down 380...this guy texts me and says that he should tell me something before we meet...i'm thinking...great...he has a girlfriend. instead he writes me..."so of all the time i've known you, i've been lying to you. when we first started talking, you told me your were almost 6ft...so i said i was 6'1"...i thought you were lying. i'm really 5'7"...do you still want me to come over?"

really?

needless to say...i texted him back some choice words and went on with my drive. and somewhere in the middle of that drive, i said "put me out of my misery, please."

so next thing you know...i'm sitting at a red light, and all of a sudden "a" light turns green. so i go. into on-coming traffic. needless to say that I was nearly 2 feet from a car turning. God tried to kill me...and while I don't have any thoughts of killing myself...i'd never do it....i promise....it would have been nice of him to get the whole thing done with "that night"....so then i could stop hurting...and then my friends wouldn't have to be mad that I was STILL talking about John.

i hate falling in love. i never want to do it again.



Disclaimer: Seriously people...don't even think to call 9-1-1 or something. I am not suicidal. Eventually I will forget John and stop letting him cloud my thoughts...b/c I do have lots to live for. I just haven't sought it out in a while.

fuck big black and white pandas

Dude...did you know it's possible to lose 3.5 pounds in just three hours?

"How do you do it?"

Well everyone...just play Wii Fit and play the soccer game over and over...and let big black and white pandas AND tennis shoes bounce off your head. You will laugh and increase your stomach muscles...therefore allowing you to decrease your weight in a timely fashion.


So I went out yesterday (needed to get away and my mind OFF certain things) and flyered (is that right?) some cars to help Bev for Sting and the Quarter. Then we came back to her house and played Wii fit. Omigod...I want one so bad...and after I pay everything back/off...I am so getting one.

The soccer game was hilarious and couldn't help but laugh everytime a big panda head and tennis shoe bounced off my head/Crystal's head AND Bev's head. Not to mention...everytime you get hit...you can hear the "wham". I think I looked ridiculous doing the hula hoop and from what I saw with Crystal and Bev...I now know I did look ridiculous. I cheated the second time around I did push-ups and it caught me. The tight rope balance game sucks ass and the bubble river balance game is the shiznit!

Not to mention that after I has already worked out an hour and 19 minutes in between two days (sort of)...I lost 3.5 pounds.

AND...ding ding ding. I WEIGH LESS THAN 200lbs.

Oh yeah....I'm good. I'm good.

*I am up from my desk, doing the marcarena and should be back to programming momentarily*

at least i learned that i could love...

So...long story short...he cheated. (Amber's *tear*) Story of my effin' life.

Don't ask me how I found this out...unless you really just want to be shocked-the-fuck out. But he has been cheating....so moral of THIS story is...I can't wait to give him back all of his shit. AND after I rip one into him...if he doesn't take his shit...here are some things that will be for sale on Craigslist.

Size 34/36 Khaki/tan/brown dress pants w/brown belt
Size XL lavendar-colored dress shirt
Size 10 brown leather dress shoes
Size L gym shorts
Size XL pink RL bleached top
Size XL cream RL top
2 pairs of dress socks (green/tan color and black)
Size 34/36 RL jeans
Size XL white FotL wife beaters (5)
2 packs of malboro lights (that I demanded i take away from him)

If he does take his shit...I guess I have to give him his movie back....altho...he does have one of mine...so eh...i'm keeping it.

And another thing...even though I joined HIS gym...boy...I'm so going back...and I'm going to go back EVERYDAY and get hotter than the fucking sun!...and I'll possibly see his ass...and that's okay, b/c I know this: He doesn't deserve me...and everytime he sees me at HIS gym...he'll know, he'll never be able to have me again. He has lost THE best damn thing that has ever come into his life. I just hope his son doesn't turn out to be like him.

Anyways...I've already gotten back on Plentyoffish.com and I'm trying it again. All my life...I've never been in love and never thought that I could. But I can...and although I unfortunately got shitted on this time...I know what love is like...and at least I know that I can.

And honestly...I WILL, love again.