I haven't forgotten about all of my readers out there...I am actually going to write a decent-sized blog this weekend...so be on the lookout.
I'm still around...I've just been busy...and things in 2009 are going great!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Monday, December 29, 2008
my Monday date
So I played hookie today from the Customer Service job that I hate. Being away on vacation for three days and having to come back to hear people yell at you just wasn't something I was looking forward to or ready for...and I figure if I can just call in sick and get my mind right...doesn't that seem like the most sensible thing to do???
Anyways...I got quite a lot finished. Like a date...at the ICE show at the Gaylord Texan. I might add that it was definitely not a traditional date, nor was the actual time and day...but it worked out and it was by far my most interesting date. The guy...Clark, is Asian and is a very cute and a super sweet guy. I've never been to the Gaylord Texan before and he gave me the special tour--secret plug...it's freakin' awesome there. And I received a free, yet chilly, pass inside the ICE exhibit. After, we headed to Uncle Julios for a shared meal of fajitas. We'll see what comes out of this. At this point...I'm so up in the air with men right now.
Things I'm diggin' at the moment: My myspace profile music playlist; my clean and very organized house (I'm super proud of myself); mini vacations in 2009; my photo skillz; GAS PRICES; the fact that I think the fat on my body is melting off of me; only having to work eight more days at this crappy job and getting to spend time at my parents for a week after the crappy eight days. Ha!
Things I'm NOT diggin' at the moment: the fact that I owe in JANUARY, $934 for my refrigerator to Lowes and $500 to my HOA for monthly and annual dues; AND about $100-/+ for part of my Frisco ticket; among my other usual bills. Ugh! My body and its normal duties being off (3 times)--super pissed about the pain-in-the-ass-effect of that; did I mention that I'm really not liking this Customer Service job; DISHES (that I have to clean) from my Christmas break; the fact that my car cannot wash itself on its own...and...last but not least...
My ex the asshole has a new girlfriend...my how does he move quick...just the end of October he was stating he messed up and still wanted me...fuckin' bastard, and now he's inviting his new girlfriend to meet his family for Christmas. The only thing that makes me feel better about this is that she's super NOT cute...and while I know that's a really horrible thing to say...I really just don't give a damn. Too bad I deleted him and didn't save her to my favorites so I could show a picture...(man...I sound like a hateful bitch...oh well). I also realized that he's getting fatter too.
You know what...nevermind...I'm totally diggin' that his girlfriend is NOT cute and that he's getting fatter...hmph...I feel better already now.
:o)
Anyways...I got quite a lot finished. Like a date...at the ICE show at the Gaylord Texan. I might add that it was definitely not a traditional date, nor was the actual time and day...but it worked out and it was by far my most interesting date. The guy...Clark, is Asian and is a very cute and a super sweet guy. I've never been to the Gaylord Texan before and he gave me the special tour--secret plug...it's freakin' awesome there. And I received a free, yet chilly, pass inside the ICE exhibit. After, we headed to Uncle Julios for a shared meal of fajitas. We'll see what comes out of this. At this point...I'm so up in the air with men right now.
Things I'm diggin' at the moment: My myspace profile music playlist; my clean and very organized house (I'm super proud of myself); mini vacations in 2009; my photo skillz; GAS PRICES; the fact that I think the fat on my body is melting off of me; only having to work eight more days at this crappy job and getting to spend time at my parents for a week after the crappy eight days. Ha!
Things I'm NOT diggin' at the moment: the fact that I owe in JANUARY, $934 for my refrigerator to Lowes and $500 to my HOA for monthly and annual dues; AND about $100-/+ for part of my Frisco ticket; among my other usual bills. Ugh! My body and its normal duties being off (3 times)--super pissed about the pain-in-the-ass-effect of that; did I mention that I'm really not liking this Customer Service job; DISHES (that I have to clean) from my Christmas break; the fact that my car cannot wash itself on its own...and...last but not least...
My ex the asshole has a new girlfriend...my how does he move quick...just the end of October he was stating he messed up and still wanted me...fuckin' bastard, and now he's inviting his new girlfriend to meet his family for Christmas. The only thing that makes me feel better about this is that she's super NOT cute...and while I know that's a really horrible thing to say...I really just don't give a damn. Too bad I deleted him and didn't save her to my favorites so I could show a picture...(man...I sound like a hateful bitch...oh well). I also realized that he's getting fatter too.
You know what...nevermind...I'm totally diggin' that his girlfriend is NOT cute and that he's getting fatter...hmph...I feel better already now.
:o)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
SHIT
SHIT that pisses me off.
Saran wrap: this shit don't work. Seriously...whoever came up with this crap, needs to be shot. First the damn roll doesn't even roll right, then you try to take a piece off the effin roll...and it never tears right. AND THEN...you try to cover your food with it...and it doesn't stick to anything! WTF?
Pedestrians: Get off the fuckin' street! Enough said. You freaking people have a damn sidewalk! If you plan to walk in my driving pathway ever again...don't be looking to sue me when I run your ass over!
Parents who don't buckle in their kids: WTF? Especially when you're in stop-and-go traffic. This kid that I saw was making smush-your-face-into-the-window faces and was completely NOT restrained by anything. Any number of crazy idiotic Dallas drivers could have accidentally rammed into the back of the mother's car (who by the way was talking on her cell phone)...sending her cute, curly-haired daughter head first into the car seat. Parents are so damn stoopid. I think that people should have to take government-issued classes if they want to be parents.
SHIT that has been going on.
1) Finally got unemployment...but it effin sucks. Don't get me wrong...I need the money...but if you work over the amount of hours or over the amount they give you, then you DON'T get anything! WTF? How the hell am I supposed to pay my mortgage on $378 a week? Goddamn Texas!
2) I am finally beginning to see my house. I've been organizing everything. From putting little liners in my drawers to straightening my pantry closets...it's starting to look really nice and soon enough, I will have pictures to post of my decorating skills and what my house looks like clothed.
3) So my dad had surgery on his hand about a week ago. His diabetes is getting worse by the minute and everything seems to be going out. His tendons are getting messed up from the disease and he had to have something cut in there, just so he can open and close his hands on a regular basis. Someone asked me today what I hope to accomplish before I turn 30...and it's to see both of my parents, at least turn 68. I worry about them everyday.
4) My temp job. One word...INTERESTING. I guess now I get to see what Customer Service is REALLY like. I've had people scream at me, tell me they don't want credits and instead want to stay on the phone with me so I can read line-for-line what's wrong with their bill. Can I say that I really just hate this job? Don't get me wrong...I'm appreciative of the money...but O-M-G. Not to mention...I think one of the trainers...is an alcoholic...he reeks of alcohol EVERYDAY! Another thing that has been on my mind...is the fact that my trainer told me I needed to be more sympathetic to people who have lost someone or who have been sick, etc. (JCP listens to every call...so that's how my trainer knows what I've been saying.) The thing is...I don't agree with her...b/c one...I have never dealt with the pain of losing someone or someone being totally sick. I have NO idea what it's like. Yes, I've dealt with a bunch of craziness in MY LIFE, but I don't know how to act or even how I WOULD act if it was someone close to me that was in danger. I can only imagine what I'll feel when my parents leave me one day...and I know just by thinking about it...I wouldn't know how to go on...but I can only say "I'm sorry to hear that" once. I feel like a bitch or selfish as I don't offer any other apologies, but I don't want to sound fake either. Am I wrong for not saying a lot?
5) So...my poor baby car has been having trouble. She's finally getting old and pooping out on me...almost 76K miles and she's four years old and just last week, I had to get a crappy TRUCK loan car so they could fix her converter and upper engine mount, among other things. Not to mention, that when they did end up giving her back to me...she had battery problems. $90 later...she's doing a little better. Stay with me girl...I need you for at least a few more years.
6) So my aunt was in a horrible car wreck just last week and thankfully I get to see her on Sunday. She broke all of her ribs (some shattered) and punctured a lung, among other things like busting her head open and breaking her leg in several places. She's also a in-bad-shape diabetic and is hallucinating all of these bad things while shes in the hospital. Maybe it hasn't hit me yet (any emotion)...but it doesn't sound like she's going to make it, yet I don't feel anything yet. Maybe I'm in shock.
7) So my parents may be coming up for Christmas...and while I can't wait to see them...I am not excited of their reaction when they see my bed. I bought the bed (with money I don't have, but that GE is letting me pay off in three years), when I had a job. I don't anymore...and I know how my mom gets. Lately she has been like...don't buy anything you don't need. Times are seriously tough. No joke...she freaked out when she found out I had bought a washer and dryer. I'm sure you are all wondering why the hell I even care. It's supposedly my house and my money, etc, etc. My parents are still as protective as they always have been and they meddle in EVERYTHING I do. Whether it be who I'm dating, what I'm working on, or what I'm spending my money on. I ALWAYS get a lecture. I just really don't want to hear another one. Anyone want to hide my bed at their house while they're in town?
SHIT that I'm looking forward to.
While I'm not excited about their reactions, I AM excited to see my parents. I haven't seen my mom since election day and I've missed them both.
I'm super excited about Stacy's graduation. She is the smartest person I know. She is graduating with her PhD in Chemistry and I believe she's made it thru college without paying a dime (b/c of scholarships)...so I'm super proud of her. I won't get to see her walk across the stage on Friday...but I'm driving down to College Station on Saturday morning to be with her at her reception and stay the night/morning there.
I'm also super excited about the DCYD gathering in deep ellum on Friday...and the fact that I get to hang out with Erin. I mean open bar and catered dinner with friends. You can't beat that.
Getting a FREE tour of the Ice Exhibit at the Gaylord Texan. : )
SHIT...I've got an update on the guy situation. Sit back and relax...
1) Canadian Stud Kevin...what was I thinking? Did I really think I'd ever meet up with this guy? How many miles apart are we? We still talk, but it's on an every-now-and-then basis.
2) Joe the Cop - um no. This story must be told over a drink.
3) The Divorced Dad...when I really think about it...I don't want to date a guy who has kids. It's just a hassle. And don't forget all of his baggage.
4) Trey the Coach...so he says he's been super busy assistant coaching basketball for TAMUK...but from experience...I'm pretty sure that when you don't talk/call a girl whom you've been talking to every night for weeks...it's b/c you met someone else. He tried to send me a text saying that he was busy...but I know better.
5) Hmmm...who else is in the mix. There's this guy named Matt...who I think is really cool. That should also be talked about over a drink.
6) And I'm now talking to this Asian guy who seems like a pretty cool guy. We'll see.
I'll keep you updated. : )
Saran wrap: this shit don't work. Seriously...whoever came up with this crap, needs to be shot. First the damn roll doesn't even roll right, then you try to take a piece off the effin roll...and it never tears right. AND THEN...you try to cover your food with it...and it doesn't stick to anything! WTF?
Pedestrians: Get off the fuckin' street! Enough said. You freaking people have a damn sidewalk! If you plan to walk in my driving pathway ever again...don't be looking to sue me when I run your ass over!
Parents who don't buckle in their kids: WTF? Especially when you're in stop-and-go traffic. This kid that I saw was making smush-your-face-into-the-window faces and was completely NOT restrained by anything. Any number of crazy idiotic Dallas drivers could have accidentally rammed into the back of the mother's car (who by the way was talking on her cell phone)...sending her cute, curly-haired daughter head first into the car seat. Parents are so damn stoopid. I think that people should have to take government-issued classes if they want to be parents.
SHIT that has been going on.
1) Finally got unemployment...but it effin sucks. Don't get me wrong...I need the money...but if you work over the amount of hours or over the amount they give you, then you DON'T get anything! WTF? How the hell am I supposed to pay my mortgage on $378 a week? Goddamn Texas!
2) I am finally beginning to see my house. I've been organizing everything. From putting little liners in my drawers to straightening my pantry closets...it's starting to look really nice and soon enough, I will have pictures to post of my decorating skills and what my house looks like clothed.
3) So my dad had surgery on his hand about a week ago. His diabetes is getting worse by the minute and everything seems to be going out. His tendons are getting messed up from the disease and he had to have something cut in there, just so he can open and close his hands on a regular basis. Someone asked me today what I hope to accomplish before I turn 30...and it's to see both of my parents, at least turn 68. I worry about them everyday.
4) My temp job. One word...INTERESTING. I guess now I get to see what Customer Service is REALLY like. I've had people scream at me, tell me they don't want credits and instead want to stay on the phone with me so I can read line-for-line what's wrong with their bill. Can I say that I really just hate this job? Don't get me wrong...I'm appreciative of the money...but O-M-G. Not to mention...I think one of the trainers...is an alcoholic...he reeks of alcohol EVERYDAY! Another thing that has been on my mind...is the fact that my trainer told me I needed to be more sympathetic to people who have lost someone or who have been sick, etc. (JCP listens to every call...so that's how my trainer knows what I've been saying.) The thing is...I don't agree with her...b/c one...I have never dealt with the pain of losing someone or someone being totally sick. I have NO idea what it's like. Yes, I've dealt with a bunch of craziness in MY LIFE, but I don't know how to act or even how I WOULD act if it was someone close to me that was in danger. I can only imagine what I'll feel when my parents leave me one day...and I know just by thinking about it...I wouldn't know how to go on...but I can only say "I'm sorry to hear that" once. I feel like a bitch or selfish as I don't offer any other apologies, but I don't want to sound fake either. Am I wrong for not saying a lot?
5) So...my poor baby car has been having trouble. She's finally getting old and pooping out on me...almost 76K miles and she's four years old and just last week, I had to get a crappy TRUCK loan car so they could fix her converter and upper engine mount, among other things. Not to mention, that when they did end up giving her back to me...she had battery problems. $90 later...she's doing a little better. Stay with me girl...I need you for at least a few more years.
6) So my aunt was in a horrible car wreck just last week and thankfully I get to see her on Sunday. She broke all of her ribs (some shattered) and punctured a lung, among other things like busting her head open and breaking her leg in several places. She's also a in-bad-shape diabetic and is hallucinating all of these bad things while shes in the hospital. Maybe it hasn't hit me yet (any emotion)...but it doesn't sound like she's going to make it, yet I don't feel anything yet. Maybe I'm in shock.
7) So my parents may be coming up for Christmas...and while I can't wait to see them...I am not excited of their reaction when they see my bed. I bought the bed (with money I don't have, but that GE is letting me pay off in three years), when I had a job. I don't anymore...and I know how my mom gets. Lately she has been like...don't buy anything you don't need. Times are seriously tough. No joke...she freaked out when she found out I had bought a washer and dryer. I'm sure you are all wondering why the hell I even care. It's supposedly my house and my money, etc, etc. My parents are still as protective as they always have been and they meddle in EVERYTHING I do. Whether it be who I'm dating, what I'm working on, or what I'm spending my money on. I ALWAYS get a lecture. I just really don't want to hear another one. Anyone want to hide my bed at their house while they're in town?
SHIT that I'm looking forward to.
While I'm not excited about their reactions, I AM excited to see my parents. I haven't seen my mom since election day and I've missed them both.
I'm super excited about Stacy's graduation. She is the smartest person I know. She is graduating with her PhD in Chemistry and I believe she's made it thru college without paying a dime (b/c of scholarships)...so I'm super proud of her. I won't get to see her walk across the stage on Friday...but I'm driving down to College Station on Saturday morning to be with her at her reception and stay the night/morning there.
I'm also super excited about the DCYD gathering in deep ellum on Friday...and the fact that I get to hang out with Erin. I mean open bar and catered dinner with friends. You can't beat that.
Getting a FREE tour of the Ice Exhibit at the Gaylord Texan. : )
SHIT...I've got an update on the guy situation. Sit back and relax...
1) Canadian Stud Kevin...what was I thinking? Did I really think I'd ever meet up with this guy? How many miles apart are we? We still talk, but it's on an every-now-and-then basis.
2) Joe the Cop - um no. This story must be told over a drink.
3) The Divorced Dad...when I really think about it...I don't want to date a guy who has kids. It's just a hassle. And don't forget all of his baggage.
4) Trey the Coach...so he says he's been super busy assistant coaching basketball for TAMUK...but from experience...I'm pretty sure that when you don't talk/call a girl whom you've been talking to every night for weeks...it's b/c you met someone else. He tried to send me a text saying that he was busy...but I know better.
5) Hmmm...who else is in the mix. There's this guy named Matt...who I think is really cool. That should also be talked about over a drink.
6) And I'm now talking to this Asian guy who seems like a pretty cool guy. We'll see.
I'll keep you updated. : )
Sunday, November 23, 2008
men
So I'm at it again with the plenty of fish deal. I lost in love awhile ago...but I have to keep searching...surely he's out there right?
I've been talking to several people...email and phone only. Here they are.
1) Mr. Canadian Stud - Kevin
Location: Alberta, Canada
Race: White
Height: 5'10"
Age: 32
Notes: I am having THE best time emailing back and forth with him. We have A LOT in common and he and I have talked about everything from how we like our coffee, to our families to where we see ourseleves in the future to visiting each other's cities. : ) We play 20 questions every night and I've really enjoyed getting to know him the correct way (so far). He is my number 1 right now. By the way...he earns extra brownie points for being a teacher...I admire all people who will end up making a difference in people's lives. I'll keep you updated.
2) Mr. Cop - Joe
Location: Arlington, TX
Race: Black
Height: 6'8"
Age: 28
Notes: Don't know about this cat. I definitely have my reservations. He is only 28-years-old and his last relationship was 8 years long. He has a kid (3 years of age) from this past relationship. The 8-year relationship is cool...shows he's not afraid of commitment. And I don't mind the kid thing...as I'm sort of ready (but not ready) to make grilled cheese sandwiches and tell bedtime stories. He tells me he has never really dated before and has always been in a relationship...um let's date some. I dunno...he's super fast...not as in wanting to get in bed or anything...but super fast as in ... being all lovey dovey. While I like that stuff...dude...we haven't even met yet. Cool off.
3) Mr. Divorced Dad - Mike
Location: Houston, TX
Race: White
Height: 5'11"
Age: 30
Notes: Divorced Dad has A LOT of baggage...I mean he walked in on his wife having an affair...and now everytime he sees his son, he sees her and hates her. Not sure I really need to get myself involved in all of that. BUT...he and I have been playing 20 questions as well and he's really a sweet guy and he's in my industry and we talk a lot about everything dealing with that and it's nice to talk to someone who knows the ends and odds of your job life.
4) Mr. Basketball Coach - Trey
Location: Kingsville, TX
Race: Mixed
Height: 6'4"
Age: 28
Notes: He and I have been talking on email for about five months or so...we just recently started talking on the phone. And we've been talking every night. He's a really great guy. He's funny and really sweet. Has a smile to die for. But...not sure what to ASSUME here...he sent me a picture of his top half (shirtless)...which by the way looks extremely good...but that leaves me to assume why he sent the picture. Should I not think anything of it...or is he trying to tell me something?
5) This is no one...but I had to put him on blast...this guy named SingleAtTheMoment (wonder why) just emailed me...and I think I'm going to write him back the following which is written under his email. Does it make me sound like a bitch? Tell the truth. ;o)
His email:
"Your adorable so adorable!!!!!sh*tin factthat I've decided im going to adopt you as my newLiL sister. Don't worry, we'll spend all our timetogether climbing trees and drinking KooL-@iD. Actually you seem like a pretty cool ASS person, I'd loveto get 2gether sometime and let you cook and watch a movie!Wait! You anit crazy r you?"
My email:
Seriously? First of all...you obviously didn't read my profile, because I asked anyone who could NOT decipher words like "your" and "you're" to not contact me. And I doubt that you were just being sarcastic...because your whole profile smells of bad grammar. Second...why the hell would you adopt me or say that you're adopting me as your little sister? While I'm all up for climbing trees b/c I grew up as a tomboy, that's not my idea of a date or a good pick-up line. Third...if you think I'm some Suzy Homemaker who cooks and cleans and gets a beer for her husband...don't let the door hit you on the way out. Toodles.
I've been talking to several people...email and phone only. Here they are.
1) Mr. Canadian Stud - Kevin
Location: Alberta, Canada
Race: White
Height: 5'10"
Age: 32
Notes: I am having THE best time emailing back and forth with him. We have A LOT in common and he and I have talked about everything from how we like our coffee, to our families to where we see ourseleves in the future to visiting each other's cities. : ) We play 20 questions every night and I've really enjoyed getting to know him the correct way (so far). He is my number 1 right now. By the way...he earns extra brownie points for being a teacher...I admire all people who will end up making a difference in people's lives. I'll keep you updated.
2) Mr. Cop - Joe
Location: Arlington, TX
Race: Black
Height: 6'8"
Age: 28
Notes: Don't know about this cat. I definitely have my reservations. He is only 28-years-old and his last relationship was 8 years long. He has a kid (3 years of age) from this past relationship. The 8-year relationship is cool...shows he's not afraid of commitment. And I don't mind the kid thing...as I'm sort of ready (but not ready) to make grilled cheese sandwiches and tell bedtime stories. He tells me he has never really dated before and has always been in a relationship...um let's date some. I dunno...he's super fast...not as in wanting to get in bed or anything...but super fast as in ... being all lovey dovey. While I like that stuff...dude...we haven't even met yet. Cool off.
3) Mr. Divorced Dad - Mike
Location: Houston, TX
Race: White
Height: 5'11"
Age: 30
Notes: Divorced Dad has A LOT of baggage...I mean he walked in on his wife having an affair...and now everytime he sees his son, he sees her and hates her. Not sure I really need to get myself involved in all of that. BUT...he and I have been playing 20 questions as well and he's really a sweet guy and he's in my industry and we talk a lot about everything dealing with that and it's nice to talk to someone who knows the ends and odds of your job life.
4) Mr. Basketball Coach - Trey
Location: Kingsville, TX
Race: Mixed
Height: 6'4"
Age: 28
Notes: He and I have been talking on email for about five months or so...we just recently started talking on the phone. And we've been talking every night. He's a really great guy. He's funny and really sweet. Has a smile to die for. But...not sure what to ASSUME here...he sent me a picture of his top half (shirtless)...which by the way looks extremely good...but that leaves me to assume why he sent the picture. Should I not think anything of it...or is he trying to tell me something?
5) This is no one...but I had to put him on blast...this guy named SingleAtTheMoment (wonder why) just emailed me...and I think I'm going to write him back the following which is written under his email. Does it make me sound like a bitch? Tell the truth. ;o)
His email:
"Your adorable so adorable!!!!!sh*tin factthat I've decided im going to adopt you as my newLiL sister. Don't worry, we'll spend all our timetogether climbing trees and drinking KooL-@iD. Actually you seem like a pretty cool ASS person, I'd loveto get 2gether sometime and let you cook and watch a movie!Wait! You anit crazy r you?"
My email:
Seriously? First of all...you obviously didn't read my profile, because I asked anyone who could NOT decipher words like "your" and "you're" to not contact me. And I doubt that you were just being sarcastic...because your whole profile smells of bad grammar. Second...why the hell would you adopt me or say that you're adopting me as your little sister? While I'm all up for climbing trees b/c I grew up as a tomboy, that's not my idea of a date or a good pick-up line. Third...if you think I'm some Suzy Homemaker who cooks and cleans and gets a beer for her husband...don't let the door hit you on the way out. Toodles.
economy, jobs and dreams
So being out of a job (a full-time one with guaranteed income and health benefits in the field that I enjoy) sucks. Texas unemployment sucks for being crappy and the economy really blows. At least I have something in common with 16 million other people in the country...no job.
Well tomorrow...starting until January...I sort of have one. It's a customer service job to hold me on my feet...to keep me afloat until i find my dream job or until I find A job doing something that I at least sort of enjoy.
I'm not looking forward to it...and while I should count my blessings, I totally don't want to do it. I'm trying to see a positive out of this...but I can't. I feel like I've just screwed up my whole life and looking back...I just never thought in a million years that I'd be doing this worse off at the age of 27.
Yeah while I love all of my friends and while A LOT of stuff HAS happened to me...and POSSIBLY made me stronger, I just feel so lost. I don't know what I want to do anymore. I've never known my purpose in my life, but now more than ever I want to know what it is.
Why at 22 when I had cancer (something that carries along in my family), why didn't I die when I was supposed to? Why have I not found a job where people DON'T stab me in the back? Why have I lost friends that I never thought I would want to lose? Why with what happened with me and John...why did it happen to me? I just don't have the answers and not a soul can tell me and I'm so angry with that. I'm so frustrated. Why haven't I found true love like all of my other friends have...a love that completes me?
There's so much I want to do and accomplish...but everytime I get ahead I get a swift kick in the ass to bring me six steps back. I just wonder if dreams ever do really come true?
Well tomorrow...starting until January...I sort of have one. It's a customer service job to hold me on my feet...to keep me afloat until i find my dream job or until I find A job doing something that I at least sort of enjoy.
I'm not looking forward to it...and while I should count my blessings, I totally don't want to do it. I'm trying to see a positive out of this...but I can't. I feel like I've just screwed up my whole life and looking back...I just never thought in a million years that I'd be doing this worse off at the age of 27.
Yeah while I love all of my friends and while A LOT of stuff HAS happened to me...and POSSIBLY made me stronger, I just feel so lost. I don't know what I want to do anymore. I've never known my purpose in my life, but now more than ever I want to know what it is.
Why at 22 when I had cancer (something that carries along in my family), why didn't I die when I was supposed to? Why have I not found a job where people DON'T stab me in the back? Why have I lost friends that I never thought I would want to lose? Why with what happened with me and John...why did it happen to me? I just don't have the answers and not a soul can tell me and I'm so angry with that. I'm so frustrated. Why haven't I found true love like all of my other friends have...a love that completes me?
There's so much I want to do and accomplish...but everytime I get ahead I get a swift kick in the ass to bring me six steps back. I just wonder if dreams ever do really come true?
trusting people
So obviously I've been through a lot in the last three months...and by now I should have learned that you really can't trust anyone...but I didn't really realize that until tonight...and it was over something stupid.
I'm trying to sell a bunch of stuff...stuff that's lying around my house taking up space. So I'm selling my ghetto and crappy, but free-for-me cherry wood, four poster bed. I'm selling a coffee table, a torso track with ahem...VHS tapes. I'm selling a bunch of other household items too...so if you're interested, let me know.
So in the past three months...I've been lied to, cheated on, lied to some more, been screwed over "royally" and been screwed over again by a company. After all of this...why in the hell do I feel that there are decent people out there who won't cheat and lie and screw people over? Why do I keep falling for it? Am I too nice? Am I too naive? Who the fuck built my heart, because I want them to rebuild me. Rebuild my heart, rebuild my trust capabilities...
So I put this bed on Craigslist and get several hits...mostly just questions from people which is fine...but then this lady emails me and says she's always wanted a four poster bed and that mine is a good deal and that she wants it. She doesn't have access to a truck, but she will later on in the week on Friday. So I email her and tell her it's hers if she'll come by and get it on that Friday. She says okay and I wait. Friday comes...I try to contact her and don't receive any phone call, no email, no nothing. It pisses me off...b/c while it's not pertinent that I sale the damn thing...it's just a waste of my time...and she could have called.
That is what nice people do right?
Anyways...so I finally email her, "where are you?" She explains that the truck thing didn't work out and I explained to her that she could have easily called to tell me that. Duh! So she begs for me to keep the bed until today...where she'll pick it up today (Sunday) at 6. So I leave early from my parents house to get to Dallas so she can pick up the bed. I call at 5:30 and she says she's not coming that she could only hold onto this truck till Saturday. Why couldn't her bitchass call me on Saturday? I could have spent more time with my effin parents. Why couldn't she have emailed me? I mean what is wrong with people and their effin' communications skills?
Men do it. Friends do it. Family does it. No one communicates. That's why so many people (including myself) assume everything about anything. Hell maybe that's why I've stopped friendships with people b/c they couldn't communicate their thoughts, their feelings.
I'm just so tired of trusting people to be good. I mean my parents taught me to be honest and truthful and to communicate my feelings, and yes, maybe sometimes I don't like to do it face to face...but I AM a sensitive person...and email and letters are just as good when you don't want to show or you can't show what your feelings are. At least my thoughts are in words in front of your jerk ass eyes.
I'm just tired of it all. Where is my dream job out of Texas. I want out of here immediately. I am so tired of all the fucking crap that I've had to deal with lately! People say that God only gives you what you can handle to make you stronger...well I wish God would quit trying to decide what HE thinks I can handle. You don't fucking know me...you never have...so stay out of my fucking life.
I'm trying to sell a bunch of stuff...stuff that's lying around my house taking up space. So I'm selling my ghetto and crappy, but free-for-me cherry wood, four poster bed. I'm selling a coffee table, a torso track with ahem...VHS tapes. I'm selling a bunch of other household items too...so if you're interested, let me know.
So in the past three months...I've been lied to, cheated on, lied to some more, been screwed over "royally" and been screwed over again by a company. After all of this...why in the hell do I feel that there are decent people out there who won't cheat and lie and screw people over? Why do I keep falling for it? Am I too nice? Am I too naive? Who the fuck built my heart, because I want them to rebuild me. Rebuild my heart, rebuild my trust capabilities...
So I put this bed on Craigslist and get several hits...mostly just questions from people which is fine...but then this lady emails me and says she's always wanted a four poster bed and that mine is a good deal and that she wants it. She doesn't have access to a truck, but she will later on in the week on Friday. So I email her and tell her it's hers if she'll come by and get it on that Friday. She says okay and I wait. Friday comes...I try to contact her and don't receive any phone call, no email, no nothing. It pisses me off...b/c while it's not pertinent that I sale the damn thing...it's just a waste of my time...and she could have called.
That is what nice people do right?
Anyways...so I finally email her, "where are you?" She explains that the truck thing didn't work out and I explained to her that she could have easily called to tell me that. Duh! So she begs for me to keep the bed until today...where she'll pick it up today (Sunday) at 6. So I leave early from my parents house to get to Dallas so she can pick up the bed. I call at 5:30 and she says she's not coming that she could only hold onto this truck till Saturday. Why couldn't her bitchass call me on Saturday? I could have spent more time with my effin parents. Why couldn't she have emailed me? I mean what is wrong with people and their effin' communications skills?
Men do it. Friends do it. Family does it. No one communicates. That's why so many people (including myself) assume everything about anything. Hell maybe that's why I've stopped friendships with people b/c they couldn't communicate their thoughts, their feelings.
I'm just so tired of trusting people to be good. I mean my parents taught me to be honest and truthful and to communicate my feelings, and yes, maybe sometimes I don't like to do it face to face...but I AM a sensitive person...and email and letters are just as good when you don't want to show or you can't show what your feelings are. At least my thoughts are in words in front of your jerk ass eyes.
I'm just tired of it all. Where is my dream job out of Texas. I want out of here immediately. I am so tired of all the fucking crap that I've had to deal with lately! People say that God only gives you what you can handle to make you stronger...well I wish God would quit trying to decide what HE thinks I can handle. You don't fucking know me...you never have...so stay out of my fucking life.
Friday, November 7, 2008
i am too friggin' nice and sometimes it bites me in the butt
UGH. Can I just say how effin aggravated I am at DaShonda. Can you get your shit together at least once?
So short story, long.
DaShonda, is a girl from high school who found me on myspace. I invited her to some happy hours with my friends so we could catch up and we've been hanging tough for a couple of months. She's been going thru some rough patches, haven't we all, and finally she gets the break of her life. This man she knows gives her money to run a catering company she's always wanted to have. So she immediately pulls me on board and tells me that she wants me to do the marketing for her and this and that and this is where I really get pissed.
First, it's just her that's in this catering company and she's given me about one or two names for the catering name. So I'm constantly thinking about ideas. Then it's working with this guy...so there will be two chefs, but she'll still run the business. So I put a hold on my marketing ideas. So then she says that this guy wants to meet me so we can talk about marketing for the catering company. That's fine. BUT...
So after this meeting...I'm thinking about the name we sudo-picked out that day and ways to create a logo. Since she won't answer me on my yahoo email...I email her on myspace and ask about a contract and the money aspect of it. There is no way I'm putting my time and effort into designing a logo when I could possibly not get a check out of it. So she writes back with a very short answer and says to hold off. Never says anything more...just that.
So a week passes by and she calls me and asks for me for a favor. The favor is that she wants me to cover her electric bill. I know she's been struggling, but so am I and without a job...and absolutely no money coming in...I wouldn't have any money to give her if I wanted to. She keeps begging me after I say no and then she keeps saying that "you know I'm good for it" - that may be...but I really don't have money. So she gets off the phone in a hurry and hangs up.
I felt bad so like three days later I emailed her and told her how sorry I was for not having the money for her electric bill and she replies with this bullshit:
"I was not serious about the light bill..I paid it the next day...I was calling to tell you about the situation...sorry that you took me seriously I was planning on tell you when ever you called back I guess but I was just joking...and as for you having a bunch of money I don't think that at all...I think that in most cases you are probably worst off than most because you are always complaining about money....sorry not trying to be harsh..."
After she begged me and made me feel bad on the effin phone...you reply with you were just kidding? Yeah-the-fuck-right. And bitch...I have been complaining about not having any money b/c I have no damn job. Don't go there...b/c you don't know my whole life.
So after that...a week passes by...I had gone home to be with my mom who was running for state rep (separate story there) and had just gotten back and decided to email her because I STILL had heard nothing. I mean...if you didn't like my ideas or what I had to offer (which wasn't much seeing as how I didn't prepare for coming up with a name for THEIR business), then just email me and let me know the deal is off. But then she writes some more bullshit...
"Hello..... So I left you a message that day after we talked and I told you to hold off...I stated in the message that Leon wants to go with another guy.... he meet with the guy when you where out of town and liked his ideas better so we are using him instead...sorry that you didn't get it I thought that you did or I would have spoken to you again ...sorry about the mis understanding....ttyl aI am off to work."
First of all either call me, or fucking send me an email to my yahoo account. I don't do business on myspace. Ugh...I'm just pissed off at how she handled everything. How she gave me mixed-up information and the wrong information at usually all times. Not to mention that she's been extremely short with me anytime that I've called her.
Fucking be a grown-up. Because right now I sound like one don't I? God I'm just so pissed. That's why I hate doing things for friends...they always fuck you over. And I know this and I was too nice like always...but damnit...I am not doing it again.
Ugh.
So short story, long.
DaShonda, is a girl from high school who found me on myspace. I invited her to some happy hours with my friends so we could catch up and we've been hanging tough for a couple of months. She's been going thru some rough patches, haven't we all, and finally she gets the break of her life. This man she knows gives her money to run a catering company she's always wanted to have. So she immediately pulls me on board and tells me that she wants me to do the marketing for her and this and that and this is where I really get pissed.
First, it's just her that's in this catering company and she's given me about one or two names for the catering name. So I'm constantly thinking about ideas. Then it's working with this guy...so there will be two chefs, but she'll still run the business. So I put a hold on my marketing ideas. So then she says that this guy wants to meet me so we can talk about marketing for the catering company. That's fine. BUT...
- When I constantly ask her for a day and time of this so-called meeting, I can never get it out of her. Second, she emails me on myspace...when I've been trying to email her from my yahoo account. Really? Myspace is not where you do business. We did initially have a day set-up to meet but I had an emergency and couldn't go. But, when we finally had a freakin' day set up for the second time...she said she'd call me with the time. Never got a call from her until the day of. She explained at 10 a.m. that she would be here by 11. So of course I was late to the meeting. Then not to mention that the two-so-called chefs don't even have their name picked out. AND...not only is it them two cheffing it out...they tell me there's a third chef who is his wife.
So after this meeting...I'm thinking about the name we sudo-picked out that day and ways to create a logo. Since she won't answer me on my yahoo email...I email her on myspace and ask about a contract and the money aspect of it. There is no way I'm putting my time and effort into designing a logo when I could possibly not get a check out of it. So she writes back with a very short answer and says to hold off. Never says anything more...just that.
So a week passes by and she calls me and asks for me for a favor. The favor is that she wants me to cover her electric bill. I know she's been struggling, but so am I and without a job...and absolutely no money coming in...I wouldn't have any money to give her if I wanted to. She keeps begging me after I say no and then she keeps saying that "you know I'm good for it" - that may be...but I really don't have money. So she gets off the phone in a hurry and hangs up.
I felt bad so like three days later I emailed her and told her how sorry I was for not having the money for her electric bill and she replies with this bullshit:
"I was not serious about the light bill..I paid it the next day...I was calling to tell you about the situation...sorry that you took me seriously I was planning on tell you when ever you called back I guess but I was just joking...and as for you having a bunch of money I don't think that at all...I think that in most cases you are probably worst off than most because you are always complaining about money....sorry not trying to be harsh..."
After she begged me and made me feel bad on the effin phone...you reply with you were just kidding? Yeah-the-fuck-right. And bitch...I have been complaining about not having any money b/c I have no damn job. Don't go there...b/c you don't know my whole life.
So after that...a week passes by...I had gone home to be with my mom who was running for state rep (separate story there) and had just gotten back and decided to email her because I STILL had heard nothing. I mean...if you didn't like my ideas or what I had to offer (which wasn't much seeing as how I didn't prepare for coming up with a name for THEIR business), then just email me and let me know the deal is off. But then she writes some more bullshit...
"Hello..... So I left you a message that day after we talked and I told you to hold off...I stated in the message that Leon wants to go with another guy.... he meet with the guy when you where out of town and liked his ideas better so we are using him instead...sorry that you didn't get it I thought that you did or I would have spoken to you again ...sorry about the mis understanding....ttyl aI am off to work."
First of all either call me, or fucking send me an email to my yahoo account. I don't do business on myspace. Ugh...I'm just pissed off at how she handled everything. How she gave me mixed-up information and the wrong information at usually all times. Not to mention that she's been extremely short with me anytime that I've called her.
Fucking be a grown-up. Because right now I sound like one don't I? God I'm just so pissed. That's why I hate doing things for friends...they always fuck you over. And I know this and I was too nice like always...but damnit...I am not doing it again.
Ugh.
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