I'm giving up

to the man i like:

Je ne vous comprends pas. Et qu'est avec la poignée de main? Vous êtes vraiment stupide. Un jour vous réveillerez et vous rendrez compte que vous m'aimez. Et quand ce jour vient, je me réveillerai à côté du type qui sait déjà.

i think it's about time I give up on you. you'll never figure it out. you'll never figure out that i've been standing here all this time...right in front of you.

foreplay

not that i want to put my sex life on blast, but what the fuck happened to foreplay?

these guys...and i'm not talking about the youngin's. the 31-year-olds, the 29-year-olds, the guys my age. all they want to do is talk for a few hours...and have sex...no kisses along the jawline, no nibbling on the neck or sucking on the earlobe, no pushing the man against the wall, me getting excited and hugging my man with my legs around his butt, no teasing, no taking the shirt off with my teeth, no flicking of my tongue at the nipple, no straddling.

all they want is sex. i need my neck, my back, my....

*sigh*

no one designed me, i created myself

I've reached a point in my life where I am focusing on myself: going out with my friends, writing more, working on my house, being active, traveling, building my career, etc. I'm very outgoing and love meeting new people. I'm happy with my life, but I still have dreams and goals to fulfill. I will not surround myself with anyone that will keep me from doing so--life's too short. I want to grow every day. I've got a big heart and will do anything for my family, friends, and the people I love. I give second, and sometimes third chances, but once I'm done, I'm done. I'm a professional with an edge, and can play whichever part when needed. I love music, movies, and seeing new places (anyone for a road trip?). I'm sensitive, but guarded, because some people are just shitty, and my heart is worth protecting. I'm picky now, because I refuse to sell myself short. And last, but not least, I am human.

and another one

So...I just got a call from another job...telling me that they liked my resume and that they wanted to go forward. AND...after I thought that the academic job didn't want me...I'm meeting with one of the Dean's from another program next Thursday. I'm so excited. Yay for me. Keep me in your thoughts...I need either a closer drive or more pay...and we all know what more pay means...more art from Julian (hope you liked my plug kid).

Anyways...that's all for now.

Ciao!

to come out of the closet or not?

I give whole new meaning for "not wanting to come out of the closet".

Last night...er last morning...around 3:30 a.m., I took my ass and all of my prized possessions with me into my closet to sleep. Yes, sleep.

DFW was hit with a series of thunderstorms, lightening storms, high winds, tornadoes and everything else you could have imagined late Wednesday night/early Thursday morning.

I don't know what initially woke me up...but I woke up to the wind howling like a siren and that sent enough chills up my spine to get my ass moving.

Now I wouldn't recommend sleeping on the floor all the time...because it f-ing sucks, but somehow I managed to go back to sleep and didn't want to awake...but I only re-awoke because my friend Stephenie called me asking if I was okay and to tell me about the damage that happened in her area.

I told her I didn't know because I hadn't come out of the closet yet and was afraid to. Afraid of what I would see.

Turns out that my townhome area didn't get hit (from what I'm aware of) that badly and that so far...I think my townhome is safe.

Unfortunately for other people...when I finally did come out of the closet to get ready for work...when I was driving...the area of Plano was devastated. There were broken limbs everywhere, trees in the streets...along with parks that had been uprooted...slides over there and the actualy jungle gym part somewhere else. A gas pump had been pulled above ground, the street lights were bent and hanging to and fro, it was a nightmare and probably still will be for weeks.

I'm just glad that no one was truly hurt...well at least i haven't heard anyone being hurt.

*sigh*

drunkeness

ugh. i barely mae it up my steps tpnight. by the way...iof you see mispellingings...(is that even a wrofd?)....it's because I've ghad three glasess of sangria at a crawfish boil. i had fun. I got off semi early from my part-time ujob.... and went to se emy friends who i haven't seen in months. it was greay catching up. especially hearing storiesa (drunk stories) about myself and othet stories (drunk stories) about my friends...always makes for a laughung, fun night....and seeing people who I mihht have hooked up with las t year. ugh.

anyways...it was nice...juust vbeeing carefree. well I'm going to bed now.

talk with yhou later.

Too bad I'm nott drunk enouggh to actually tell the guy I like...that i like him.

damn 18-wheelers

So I got in a wreck today. Um sort of.

I've always hated 18-wheeler truck drivers. They either push you out of a lane into the wall, or they speed up so that you can't get over...or they're just there.

So today I'm driving down 75, trying to get to work and all of a sudden it sounds like I've driven over a piece of metal. Metal it was. It was the axil off this 18-wheeler. And not only did I run over it, as well as seven other people, but it bent my front right passenger RIM, did damage underneath my car (still not sure exactly what), blew a hole in my back right passenger RIM, slashed its tire, and bent my exhaust pipe. Did I mention that seven other people hit this thing too? Did I also mention that when I drove from the side of the highway to the Nissan dealership, that my car was shaking uncontrollably?

All along the freeway, cars started to line up with blow outs and other miscellaneous problems due to this guy's axil that had fallen off of his rig. Four people had to be towed away...because there cars wouldn't start.

It scared the shit out of me. When I hit it, it was like this huge, loud thump and not only did that scare me...but when my car started veering out of control...I started to freeze...in the middle lane...of highway traffic...as everyone was going 70+.

I pulled over behind this guy who had already begun to change his tire. There was a cop about 50 feet behind me and sooner or later, he made his way behind me. Then the truck driver came and was like here's my information.

Long story short...my car is not driveable. I have a rental and I see this rental in my future for the next month. The body shop guy was giving me a guesstimate of how long everything would take and also telling me by looking at my car, what was damaged, and with a grin he said...maybe you'll get a new car.

While a new car sounds nice...I want Big Blue back.


Update...
So I went to the doctor on Wednesday...already knew something was wrong...just needed the doctor to confirm. I really need to make some serious decisions about my life soon...or my health will really be affected. I am on the verge of Type II diabetes...and my doctor said that if I didn't want to have to take pills for the rest of my life this early...that I needed to get my blood pressure down (which was super high, also due to stress), and start eating right and lose weight and show improvement over the next six months. Not to mention, some of my labs turned up abnormal. I told Stein Mart that I needed my hours to be cut and I hope that they understand that my health comes first before making any money. We'll see how that goes today when I go into work.

Wednesday and today have proven to be difficult days for me. Hopefully more luck will come my way. Maybe I'll win the lotto...or maybe I'll get a different job...or maybe I'll meet someone to calm my nerves. Who knows.

In other news
...on the plus side...I'm looking forward to the crawfish boil at Carrie and Tracey's house this Saturday. I'll be going after work. And not next week, but the week after...I'll be taking a week-long vacation to Houston. I'm excited. I need the time off.

I'm out.